I never realized how much I missed your hugs 

until the moment you hugged me and tears started flowing..

Assumptions. Sighh,

"You're a med student, you should know this better than us." "Hey 'doctor', my wound looks disgusting, is it infected? what should i do? can you take a look for me?" "What kind of food is healthy and not fattening eh, 'doctor'?"

I get these questions every day since the first day of uni, AND I'M BLOODY SICK OF 'EM. Even after one semester, I still don't know how to answer all these questions.

Why? Because I'M JUST A FIRST YEAR MEDICAL STUDENT FOR GOD'S SAKE, if i know how to answer all those questions now, I'd be a fucking genius and I can build my own hospital already.

Seriously, the society has too high expectations of medical students. We were taught to always clarify our professional status, as in we're only medical students and our advice should not be taken as professional advice.

But somehow, this sentence never sink into people's minds. Everyone simply equate medical student to doctors. Wth? Just because we are so-called 'smart' enough to study medicine, doesn't mean we know everything even before graduating. And even fresh graduate doctors may not know half the shit people are asking them.

So EVERYONE, Stop stressing me with all these questions. Maybe when I'm in Y3, I can answer you. MAYBE.

p/s: We are normal humans just like you. We're not God. Just in case you thought otherwise. :)

Priorities

This is exactly how I feel right now- TOTALLY LOST.

One and a half month into uni, I'm still as lost as day one. Friends are saying that I'm don't look like I'm studying medicine coz I don't look stressed at all, and I'm like having fun going everywhere everyday. I agree on the latter part, but not stressed? Are you serious? I'M STRESSED LIKE FUCK! I'm stressed that I don't feel stressed about my studies. I'm stressed that I don't understand a single shit during lecture. And I'm stressed that I have sooooooo much to study. that I don't know where should I start. 

Am I stressed enough to you right now? 

As of right now, my priorities, from most important to least important, is sleep, play, study. Someone please take a gun and shoot me in the head like right now. That shouldn't be priority sequence for a medical student! Sleep should come last. But I love my sleep too much to put it last. I can fall asleep practically anywhere, even in the tutorial class of the lecturer I somewhat fear most. -.-

The longer I'm trapped lost in this course, the more I'm beginning to doubt whether this course/career is suitable for me or not. I'm doubting my decision. As of now, every other course, be it a normal bachelor of science, engineering, or even business course sound appealing to me. Well if the schedule wasn't so packed and heavy, or maybe we had more than 24 hours a day, or maybe if humans can survive without eating and sleeping, I definitely would enjoy it more coz it's actually quite interesting. How our body works, IT'S SIMPLY AMAZING, TRUST ME. 

I need to find the motivation to give me a push when I'm stuck at one point and feel like giving up. I need the motivation to keep me going on and finish med school. Sigh. GOOD LUCK TO ME. :/

----

Anyways, here's a note to you. Despite you distancing yourself from me, doesn't change the fact that I love you, and I probably will continue waiting for you. Coz I'm only me when I'm with you. I know you're afraid of being hurt and hurting others. But this being fear of being in a relationship has got to be overcomed someday and somehow. And I hope I'm the one to help you walk out of this fear, together with you. :)

Let go?

Letting go; it's the only thing left to do, it's the only right thing to do.
That way, both parties will stop getting hurt. But it's just so hard.
I know, because I tried.

There may be hundreds of reasons to why I should let go,
but it takes only that ONE reason to keep me holding on-
because I ♥ him

I'm always saying that we're not meant to end this way, coz God knows we're worth it.
But sometimes we fight so much, that I feel that we are actually meant to end this way,
but then every conversation with him just pulls me back to him,
making me wanna love him again.

I don't want to let go, even if you push me 100 miles away.

Lyrics.

More Than My Pride| Bobby Tinsley

We been arguing and we been fighting for awhile
Our love is dying and its breaking my heart
To watch our world tear apart.
But baby no more.
I dont wanna fuss and fight.
I just wanna make things right.
I thought about it and no matter whos wrong. I apologize.

You know I can be stubborn sometime
But it aint worth to see you cry.
I finally realize that I love you more than my pride. ♥

I could go on pretending that I ddn't mind, that I don't care, and that I could go on without you. But at the end of the day before I close my eyes, you're the only one I think of. I may go on for months not talking to you, but I've never gone a day without thinking of you.

I can't compare. She win hands down.

Med Life: Orientation Week

Haven't been blogging for a long time now. As a matter of fact, I haven't touched my computer for ages, ever since I came up to KL. And btw yeah, I've officially started Uni and officially in KL. So peeps in KL, chat me up and let's hang out! (Lol. Like as if I'm so free. -.-)

First time ever living alone- it's fucking sad. Now i finally understand what is the meaning of home sick. :(

Well anyways, orientation week was not too bad. Transition Camp made the week much MUCH better, else it'll be just one word- SUCKS. Just to make it clear, it's not the programs and talks that made it sucky. It's how I was left out and stood up that made it sucky. Damn pissed off. If you were in my shoes and I in yours, I would include you for dinner and everything no matter how much i hate you. Simply because i know how it feels to be left out.

Moving on... TRANSITION CAMP! At first I thought it's be scary because I don't know anyone there. But it turned out to be not bad because my group mates are friendly and funny people! :D

This camp basically is just to prepare us for the super stress and hectic life we're gonna go through in years to come. And also build rapport with our group mates and seniors. Unlike other camps which are all games and play, we had lectures and tutorials and discussions and debate. But of course we had games and play too! A really enriching and tiring camp.

Like all camps we have this talent night performance. They didn't give us chance to plan nor practice our performance, coz our schedule for the day was packed. But still we pushed our creativity to the limits, and put up the most epic performance ever. The most overrated song: I'm Sexy and I Know It. Everyone is obsessed with this song I have no idea why. -.-

Halfway through the talent show, I suddenly thought of all the past Youth Camps- Cornerstone, PAG and 13th Apostle. I miss my PAG core team girls. :')

Group F for Fabulous! We're F-ing awesome!

My first friends in Monash! 

I'm ever so thankful and grateful to these group of people, especially this 2 pretty girls. Just because of a simple action of including me and talking to me. I'm a very simple person actually, be nice to me and I'll be nice to you too.

Okay, thats all for orientation week. Monash Medics ROCKSSSS! :D